Submitted by D.B. Campbell
(Laura Lee Brown Campbell, B- 20 September 1956)
(Dugald Bruce Campbell, B- 10 October 1954)
It came about somewhere in our early married journey together when Laura and I began the life long quest for the prefect margarita. This was not without matrimonial discord. “Rocks” or “blended?” I will not drink alcoholic slurpees since I can’t enjoy anything with a brain freeze. She will.
But we together designed the Campbell ‘Rita Scale” so as to scientifically qualify and quantify our serious labors.
Campbell (Marga-) ‘Rita Scale
Margarita Scale Explanation
10 The perfect margarita. (the “Holy Grail” is out there somewhere)
9 Fantastically addictive, I’ll even pay up to $6 apiece.
8 Superior, “I Shall Return!”
7 Very good, “Remember this place if we’re in the area again.”
6 Good, but not really worth remembering.
5 Average, good for keeping thirst at bay.
4 Move on, but finish the drink first.
3 Move on, don’t even finish the drink.
2 Spit it out now, before it burns your taste buds.
1 Do not pay for this iguana urine!
This quest has taken us all over the world. While stationed in the Republic of Korea we ran into the odd good and bad margarita depending on the bartender. We thought we might be getting close when vacationing in Cabo San Lucas being in the birth country of tequila, but were slightly disappointed. The concept of standing in a swimming pool to drink and a ‘swim up” bar on an island in the center was a superior innovation. I have all ready incorporated one of these into our “dream” home plans.
But Laura and I have found more signs and clues leading to the Holy Grail of margaritas closer to home. Down in Springfield, Oregon there is a restaurant called The Roadhouse Grill where you can eat a fantastic dinner and throw your empty peanut shells on the floor while drinking. We discovered they have a house margarita called The Golden Rita. This is an 8+ on the Rita scale and the only thing that made delivering the daughter to school at the University of Oregon, with all the accompanying chaos and drama, endurable.
Once, at the finish of a business seminar we found ourselves with a whole Sunday afternoon free. Sightseeing in Seattle would of course involve continuing the quest. Sunday afternoons are good for questing. With few people around the waiters and waitresses are bored and welcome talking to people. The world famous Ivar’s restaurant on Elliot Bay was no different, but we were flabbergasted to find the margarita at such an establishment could barely be swallowed (Rita score of 4) and we were able to discussed this with the waiter.
He empathized and confessed that for a good margarita he went to the place half way up the Seattle Harbor steps just to the north. So we quested onward armed with his one clue, “Look for a dump on the second floor that has ‘Denny’s’ like décor.” Tacos Guaymos was found and sitting at the bar we learned a great deal about tequila history from a knowledgeable young man with the odd name of Juan. Tequila darkens with aging, so the darker, the smoother, the better. He poured shots of different quality tequila and we even opened a whole new world to the peasant beer drinkers from Ohio sitting with us at the bar. And it wasn't a dump.
Juan’s teachings I later confirmed with research on my own. ‘Sipping’ tequila in Mexico is almost the color of a cola drink and the clear non-aged stuff drunk by generation X American Yuppies is so bitter it has to be hidden within some icy, fruity concoction to be tolerated.
A form of mescal (tequila’s grandfather) was being made in northern Mexico long before the Spanish Conquistadors arrived. The first licensed manufacturer of tequila was a gentleman by the familiar name of José Antonio Cuervo.
Sr. Cuervo received rights to cultivate some land from the King of Spain in 1758, and the rest is history.
Another interesting error is the urban legend related to a worm. The worm-in-the-bottle myth is old and tired. It was a marketing ploy developed in the 1940s to impress the gringos and never a Mexican tradition. Another common misunderstanding is that tequila is made from a cactus while in reality tequila is made from distilled sap from hearts of the agave plant.
As of now, the world’s largest selling tequila, who’s now infamous name mentioned above will not be re-mentioned here because he should know better, is made with a goodly percentage of vodka? Yes, just read the bottle! And everyone knows vodka is only good for removing grease off Russian tank engine parts.
We stayed in Seattle again one time for a family wedding. We took the offspring and Aunt Hillary to the harbor steps to show them what we had discovered. They were somewhat impressed but didn’t fully understand the meaning and spirit of the quest. Then, while stumbling a couple blocks down Post Alley back to the car there was a small sidewalk sign announcing a side street place called Las Margaritas. Well shoot! We just had to explore that place. It was like a sandwich sign from the great margarita goddess pointing the way. It turned out to be only a 5 on the Rita scale but the chips and salsa were good. The important factor was the novices now began to understand ‘the quest.’ But I get ahead of myself.
We first tried to initiate the offspring into the secrets of the quest on my daughter Vanessa’s 21st birthday. The slightly older son Andrew had actually turned 21 while stationed in Iraq and experienced his first official ‘over 21 drink’ at a pub in Dublin, Ireland at the Shannon airport on the way home from that deployment. While an interesting story in itself, this explains why we had a double 21st traveling birthday party.
On Vanessa’s actual 21st including Andrew’s belated birthday with Aunt Hillary along we started by opening presents and cards while enjoying a pitcher of margaritas at Michael’s Landing in Corvallis. (Rita scale 7) We then moved on to Albany and Los Dos Amigos restaurant for dinner and their house margaritas (Rita scale 7+). Then came the long trip down to Springfield for the before mentioned Golden Rita at the Roadhouse Grill. The night was to continue except for the younger generation having no stamina. The youngsters kept falling asleep.
This is a bittersweet ending since I was of two minds. I was sorry that they couldn’t keep up. Grandma Campbell, who in her time enjoyed fine wines and a well made cocktail would be slightly disillusioned, but I was pleased as the Dad that they were not crazy drinkers. The night ended early.
Our sacred quest will continue. To paraphrase Chris Carter, “THE Margarita is out there.” The quest may die with us and not be carried on by the next generation. So be it. It will be their loss.
Bruce Campbell’s Domestic Margarita
Recipe will make five to six cups of margarita
for what … maybe 2 servings if you’re really serious.
This is for a deliciously flavored, household, standard consumption margarita, and not to be considered “the greatest” margarita.
Using a blender: add
2 Cups Store bought margarita mix (any brand)
1 Tablespoon Rose’s Lime Juice
1 Tablespoon Grenadine (my secret ingredient)
2 Tablespoon Triple Sec
1/2 Cup Tequila
2 Cup Water
6 cubes Ice
1. Run the above ingredients in a blender until ice is almost gone.
2. This is the base for “on the rocks” margaritas. Serve over ice.
“Salt? We don’t need no stinking salt.”
For those who enjoy salt on the rim of their margarita glass,
you know how to get it there.
Variations: Blended Margaritas.
3. Add 1 cup “rocks” base and 6 more cubes of ice to blender.
4. Blend until consistency of a Slurpee. Serve in glass for the wussies.
